some thoughts on TRUST

i never really thought i was a control freak...until i realized how unnerved i get when things are spinning out of control. i am reading a book that is challenging me to really think about whether or not i trust God...or wheather i simply trust my fortunate circumstances. do i really believe that in the dark times God is in control, still good, still powerful? I am rethinking how i pray too...the listmaking...i think that comes more out of my need to tell God how it needs to be, how to fix stuff and make it right...less out of my desire to hear from him...to worship him. there is a line in The Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe where Mr. Tumnus explains to Lucy that Aslan is not a tame lion. I do believe that God is loving but i am learning in my adult life that his goodness is not always going to make me happy in the here and now. His desire is that we find our rest and joy in Him...not our blessings, not our comfy couch, not even our children or spouses...simply in him, whose love is unchanging...who is on the move in this world...in the heartwrenching poverty, in the luxurious penthouses of the rich. to deny his work would be wrong. i need to pray for a heart that trusts God--that i might be a woman of courage and strength, willing to accomplish every good work that he has called me to.