"Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat..."

I think that goose is me in this scenario.

---training for the mini starts in January.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving in AL this year. We thouroughly enjoyed playing on the beach with the boys and visiting with Papa and Bama. It's amazing to me how quickly my boys are growing up!

After we stuffed our bellies with food we walked down to the water. I knew better than to try to tell my two water babies that we couldn't swim because we didn't have swim suits...that would have been a battle i would have certainly lost. So I didn't set any rules and just photographed the fun. Joshua was the first to fall in the water and get completly drenched and Toby quickly followed with a "sympathy" fall. "I didn't want Joshua to feel badly that he fell," Toby explained.

It was a great get away with my boys. I always enjoy thanksgiving and the time set aside to be THANKFUL.

Ozeal

I remember being in my bed one morning and a familiar scent filled my room. It was the sweet scent of cigarette smoke flowing through the house. I knew right away that my grandparents had arrived and that my mom in the tenderness of her heart didn't have the courage to tell them not to smoke in the house. But to me, the sweet aroma of camel lights meant so many wonderful things. The scent meant bolney sandwiches on Wonder bread, hostess cupcakes, Coke and any other treat my heart desired. It meant baseball games in the yard and scratchy "sugar" kisses from my grandfather. It meant dreams fulfilled that only a grandparent could dream up...homemade dollhouses and horse barns, bicycles and a puppy. The cigarette smoke would linger on our clothes and in our hair long after they left. And I loved it.


Just a few weeks ago my grandmother died. A piece of my identity is gone...I am no longer a granddaughter. I thought that her death would bring closure to a long year of mental health battles but instead it has left a hole in our family. My grandmother wasn't the typical cookie baking granny with stories of love and encouragement. She used to pinch my butt and tell me i was fat, and in the last several years has complained that i looked awful and was too thin. When i was eight and learned that smoking causes cancer, I tried to encourage her to stop. I asked her why she smoked and she replied, "Because it's cool." She was never afraid to say what she was thinking. She wasn't afriad to talk politics, basketball, and defend Bobby Knight. She often tried to give back your gifts and complained at your efforts to make things special but I always knew that she loved me and was proud of me. She was a character. At the funeral they called her spunky...it is true. She wasn't storybook typical but she was herself. I laughed during the calling hours at friends and sisters anecdotes of my grandmother. Apparently, her childlike rebellion continued all her life. I learned a lot from her. She had challenges that she rose to with strength and confidence i can only hope for. And when her beliefs were challenged, she chose to love and accept with abandon. I never doubted that she loved me...she loved me, my kids and always recieved us with a smile and the screen door pushed wide open.

Happy Thanksgiving!

the vampire and his "bat servant"

the best fall day:)

On Sunday we took the boys to Ft Harrison for a pony ride and Toby's first trail ride. I don't think either of my boys were as excited and giddy as i was. i think for my mid life crisis i will buy a horse...is it ok if you plan for those moments of crazy?

apple days

A couple of weeks ago we ventured to the apple orchard with the katie and her girls. we were able to take a wagon ride through the orchard and the kids were allowed to pick one apple. while we were there we ran into my sister in law and my adorable niece, Ali. We walked along the path to the petting farm and even slid down the slide a few times before heading back downtown. it was a very fun morning with good friends.

happy dog

i can rest now. poor scout has not been swimming in years...literally. i seriously have laid in bed on occasion feeling immense guilt that our lab with webbed feet has not been able to swim...to enjoy the very things she loves and was born to do. but the guilt is gone now, on monday we ventured to brown county for a morning of hiking and throwing sticks for scout. she was soo happy that she didn't want to get out...but alas, all good things must come to an end so she is back in the kitchen today.

if only every day could be like this...sigh.

chicago by storm

this past weekend, we snuck away for one last summer getaway. we headed to Chicago, home of the Chicago cubbies, to take the city by storm. we arrived at our hotel on Friday night and jumped in the pool 15 minutes later to begin our weekend of family fun. Saturday morning we woke up early and began our search for breakfast. we stumbled upon a farmer's market where we feasted on homemade donuts and jelly rolls. yes, we were able to find the only food in the market that had zero nutritional goodness! we are amazing, i know. we then took a taxi (without carseats--woohoos from the boys!) to the Lincoln Park Zoo where we fed cows, watched polar bears swim and ate runny, sticky popsicles. we took a lunch break by the river in our hotel and then retired to our room for a quick nap. in the afternoon we took to the river by boat and toured the city's architecture and historical waterway. We had dinner at a famous deep dish style pizza place and ended the day with a few rides at Navy Pier. Word to the wise...don't take a rowdy two year old on the ferris wheel...

First Day of First Grade

He's ready to learn and get some knowledge!

I cannot believe first grade is here already. What a delight this little boy is...

State Fair

Last Saturday we ventured to the fair. Joshua was VERY excited to ride his first carny ride...the race car...vroom! He was a little scared at first but by the second time around he was laughing and hollering like all good fair folk.

Our second trip to the fair was also an adventure. We took the train from Fishers with my nephew Eli. The boys had roaring good time riding the not- so- safe- why- did- i- let- them- ride- that rides while Joshua and I watched. A great time was had by all.

Door County

We recently returned from a trip to Door County Wisconsin with the Castor clan. The boys had so much fun bunking up with their cousins, watching endless movies, lake swimming, playgrounds, miniture golfing, building elaborate sand castles, running down trails, games, a awesome visit to the Farm, and no shopping trips! it was indeed a great time for them to connect with the greater Castor family.

Joshua might argue a little bit with this post because he really didn't get his beauty rest while there, he fell down on the trail and skinned his head, nose, and knee, bit through his lip at the playground, and dislocated his elbow playing too rough in the lake... He also is TERRIFIED of farm animals. But he did love sitting on the tractor. i almost had to dislocate his elbow again just to get him off.

pictures from my favorite place

i can't say how much i love maine. i love the smell of the sea. i love the cool nights. i love the icy cold water--swimming and jumping off the rocks that have held me since i was a child. i love the woods and the amazing pine trees. i love the way maine makes me feel--alive, safe, and at peace. i am so happy to share this each summer with my boys.

our little yoda

I feel like i am always saying this but...i can't believe how much this kid has changed this year! i am so proud of him. joshua loves being with the entire family and if anyone is leaving to do something he gets pretty anxious...when dave is leaving to go to work he always says, "daddy, me, you, go..." it really is adorable. and all weekend long, "happy birthday to you, toby." he melts my heart. he is as sweet as he is wild and as loving as he is busy...he goes to the limit in everything he does!

happy birthday, toby!

Today is Toby's 6th birthday! We had such a great weekend celebrating toby. Saturday my mother in law came to spend the day with us. The boys took Bama to breakfast while i furiously cleaned and sped to pick up the cake. The afternoon was spent at the IMA where toby showed his grandmother his extensive knowledge of American art and we took a walk through the amazing gardens. We came home late in the day and ate an early dinner with Bama, Gogo, and Papa. After dinner, toby blew out the candles on his "WALL-E" cake and opened presents. After dinner toby and bama and I went to see the musical, Seussical. It was so sweet and fun. A complete delight. After church today, dave took toby and a few of his friends to lunch at johnny rockets and to see a a movie (WALL-E). Toby came home ate some left over birthday cake and opened our gifts to him...he told me tonight that he had a great bday but that it was a little tiring:)

***on a side note, toby took off his training wheels this week and is an official bike rider now! i had no idea how exciting and wonderful it would be to see him accomplish this feat! he was so proud of himself--it was beautiful.

Today is such a special day for us. We are so thankful that God breathed life into Toby and chose him to be our son. We have had the priveledge of seeing him grow these last five and half years. We heard his first words, witnessed his first steps, we have hugged him and kissed him everyday, we have seen him conquer roller coasters and mountains, make new friends, and laugh with abandon, have have kissed away the tears and held him through sickness, we walked him into school on his first day and are seeing him be an amazing big brother...we are so blessed. And yet I am also mindful today of another mother. A first mother who had the courage to make a difficult plan for her newborn son. A mother that doesn't know the joy of this special little boy. A mother that loves him too. I am certain that you are thinking of your baby today and wondering where he is... My prayers are with you today--that you will know His peace. May the Lord bless you today and always. May you know that Toby is loved beyond measure.

It's amazing to me how much fun a $10 pool can bring to two little boys. When we haven't gone to the city pool this summer we have filled up the blue plastic pool in the yard for a few hours of splashing summer fun. The boys love to splash each other and jump in and out with great exuberance. It's really not that different from the MLK pool--our little pool also has fights, yelling, screaming, running and a lifeguard that kicks people out for a limited rest time.
The other photo is one of Joshua riding the train at the Cincy Zoo on his second birthday. The entire ride there he he told us with great intensity that he wanted to ride the choo choo. It's a fun little ride where you actually see zoo animals, a beautiful lake and a flower garden. It is most unlike the Indianapolis Zoo where the train takes you to the bowels of the park where one can only glimpse large photographs of animals that may or may not be in the uninspiring hospital building on your right. it truly sucks but we have made the ride a tradition and a must for all zoo visits. at least we get to sit down for a few minutes and take in the zoo smelling breeze.

It's been am amazing couple of months... in May we celebrated Joshua's one year home aniversary. Boy, has he changed. From a sick little baby that couldn't sit up to a strong, boisterous, HUGE toddler who loves to jump off the couch and run! You can see from the picture i posted that he is too fast for me to capture on film! he is amazing to me. Lately, he has been saying, "I love you" to us and we are all just melting away. He is determined. He get's pretty ticked if he doesn't get his way. He's two...but he has a beautiful heart for people!
Toby is growing up so fast these days! He will be six at the end of this month. I cannot believe it... He is passionate, sensitive, and so much fun. Toby loves his friends and has really developed more independence this year. Last week Toby decided to have lines cut into his hair--it looks great and really shows off his personal style:)
we are enjoying the summer so far with trips to the MLK pool, tie dye fun, parks, zoo,etc. it has been more fun than i thought it would be honestly. and of course, we are all looking forward to out trip to Maine later this summer.

warmer days and the baseball game

it's today!

we have all had a bad case of the coughs around here the last two weeks so it was a pleasant if not comical surprise to hear toby running down the stairs this morning, jumping on our bed shouting, "Today is the first day of spring!" you gotta love that kind of hope and expectation in the midst of pain and dark, rainy days! Thank you God for spring, renewel, and hope!

famiversary

i am so glad i made it through january. i hate january. i don't really know what it is about it...maybe it's the dark or the bone chilling, skin cracking cold, or maybe it's the grinding slow down from the holidays that sprinkle the fall months...whatever it is, it takes all that is in me to get through january. the first month of the new year should be marked by the pursuit of new adventures and ideas, it should be the year of goals reached and paths paved but not for me. i just try to put my head down and bear it. it gets so bad that i even try to pound it out on the treadmill.

but now that it is February, hallelujah, i am bombarded by the anniversary of joshua's referral. i can't believe that it has been one year already. for families that have adopted, the day you finally get the call that you have a new son or daughter...it cannot be matched. it was a year ago this week, that we actually missed the call. yes, you read that right. we were in the hoosier dome, oh wait, i mean RCA dome, celebrating the colts superbowl win with thousands of other blue faced colts fans. for those hours we were distracted by the victory and vigorously joining in on the cheering, clapping, and woohooing. we were caught up in it all, the deafening screams and roaring jubilation when the team finally came into the dome on floats and in convertables waving and yelling to fans. we felt their excitment with every bit as much pride and passion. our bodies were crowded with goosebumps and our eyes filled with happy tears. we were so in it that we didn't hear the call we had been waiting for for the last two years! we when returned home that night we checked the messages...i said to my beloved, "dave, the agency called, and they want us to call them back tomorrow..." it was a restless night, maybe we have one more paper for fill out, what if they lost all of our paperwork, what if... but the next morning, the phone rang just as i was getting ready to leave to pick up toby from pre k..."sarah, i have good news for you! His name is Tariku..."

a.m.

lately, i have been having a really hard time sleeping. i don't really know what the deal is. i am tired but when i lay down my mind feels flooded with strange little memories, to do lists, the days conversations... i simply lay there listening to my heart and snoring husband, thinking...when will i fall asleep?

i wish i could be more productive since i can't sleep but in this tiny house i feel like one stumbling move and everyone will be startled awake. i really don't want that.

i think i will try again...maybe this time i will try to imagine Bono sitting on the edge of my bed (not wearing any leather because that would be too loud--but certainly wearing something hip and black and his elevator shoes and probably his sunglasses...i am sure his eyes would be bugged by my stupid neighbor's garage lights shining into my window all night long.) singing... sleep, sleep tonight and may your dreams be realized, when the thunder cloud passes rain, oh let it rain, rain down on me...mmm.

maybe that will work.
goodnight.

car conversations

Toby: "Mrs. Linn got to do all the best things when she was little. She got to pump water into a bucket to make her bath.

Me: "oh, did she grow up on a farm?"

Toby: "No."

Me: "What?"

Toby: "No!," he said emphatically.

Me: "Toby, i don't understand why you are so mad...did she grow up on a farm?"

Toby: "NO! She didn't throw up on a farm!"


...but she did grow up on a farm.