I am so thankful to be "mommy" to these little boys.

2007 was indeed a year of blessings. undeserved, unmerited.

i am thankful today--even though school is out and my kids are making me a little crazy!

someone to hold you up

halloween

i must confess i love halloween. candy. neighbors and friends. dressing up in fun costumes. candy. shuffling through the crispy leaves in the chilly twilight. it's the good stuff.

whew

this little one really keeps me on my toes! he is crawling at 100mph! he is consistently taking more steps...i think he is just waiting until he can RUN!

why do we live here?

so...last weekend we were in VT and NH for a friend's wedding. both david and toby were in the wedding so the pressure was on to make sure david was on his best manners. we knew toby would be great.

while we drove through the rolling mountains of Vermont and southern New Hampshire we kept looking at each other and asking, "why do we live in Indiana?"

oh NO!

someone left the TV on...and now Joshua is saying, "BARNEY." there will be some swift de-programming...i can't believe this has happened!

and a tooth update...yesterday, toby lost his first tooth! hooray! i have never seen a kid so proud. he ran into our room this morning with his handmade gift certificate for ice cream..."mommy, the tooth fairy came!" i love this age!

loose teeth and two brothers

so last night i found toby in the bathroom upstairs sitting in the sink on the vanity gazing into to the mirror in deep thought. we spent the evening talking about his very loose tooth and smoothing over worries that he will never be able to eat again and that all of his teeth will fall out at once. so when i asked him what he was thinking about i thought he would say something along those lines instead he said..."i was just thinking about things, about how much i love joshua and going to get him in africa and how sad i was when he was sick and i couldn't play with him." so tender, so sweet. lord, protect my son's heart, make it always soft to you. we were kinda worried about how toby would do with a brother...all the attention diverted, divided, shared...but he is so thankful and crazy about joshua...it's incredible. several times this week as i have been picking up toys and papers, i have found drawings of two stick figures...one with a giant head and one with a slightly smaller head with the names of two brothers underneath.

i am so thankful for my family and the lengths God took to bring us all together.

thoughts

so... these videos are so good in so many ways. this is why i love Bono! i love Bono's passion--for God, for the poor, for the needy. don't bail on him early 'cause it' s the end that will really stir your heart.

the sara groves video is good in a different way. i love the line that says she sees her son in the eyes of one of the little boys. beautiful. it really calls us to think about the oneness of the body, the body of Christ. we are the same. under the same God. under the same Cross. living in grace. why do we argue and move toward each other in such hatred? why do we waste so much time "deciding" who is right and who is wrong? by no means am i joining the postmodern struggle of "whatever is right for you, man..." but i will say that all too often i need to remember what the Bible calls the greatest command and ask the Lord how am i to live LOVE out today. the Bible says that Satan has a plan for the world, an actual plan, i believe that plan is for us to sit in judgement of others, to become so entranced in our own identities and others' motivations that we forget how to serve, who to love, who Jesus died for.

if you visit Africa your heart would be changed forever, like mine. you will undoubtedly see devastating poverty, the sadness of AIDS, and the heartbreaking faces of those orphaned but you would also see... the incredible hope, the insatiable joy, the indomitable spirit of so many African people. The countries that i have visited have laid claim on my heart...the drumbeats, scents, dusty roads, big, toothy smiles, children's laughter, spirited worship, dangerous generosity, amazing art and colorful jewelry, yummy food:), strength and beauty will never leave my thoughts. it is now a part of me...bound together by the ties of my children--into the woven tapestry of our story together written by our Father.

Bono at the NAACP Awards

Sara Groves,

today

ok, so, the cubbies really stunk it up in the playoffs...but...there's always next year, right? it was a good season nonetheless and i am still a big fan of Lou and believe that 2008 will be...great! plus, the cubbie berry blue beer i had at Goose Island before the game was the best beer of the year! so it's not all bad.

at this point in my life i find myself returning to some old questions in my life...what are my biggest strengths? am i accomplishing the purpose(s) of my life? i am crazy in love with my boys and my man but i often feel frustrated and irritated, like there is something else i am supposed to be doing, too...something is kinda smoldering and shifting deep inside me... i am willing. let it be.

go CUBS go

go Cubs go

go Cubs go

hey, chicago

what do you say?

CUBS ARE GONNA WIN TODAY!

Joshua Tariku

You are loved

even though you demanded to play and throw the ball at 2am this morning

Happy Birthday, Gogo!

Today is Gogo's birthday.

she is a timeless beauty

i love that my mom is a bargin hunter...who else can buy italian leather shoes that cost $200 in the boutiques for $2 at Salvation Army
when i was a little girl, i thought my mom always tasted like lipstick and smelled like laura ashley perfume
i love that my mom is in tune with my boys, loving them intensely and seeing their goodness and strengths even in the middle of an all out tantrum
i love that my mom wears nice dress shoes and a skirt to garden in...
i love that my mom likes to canoe and live on the ocean even though she doesn't like to swim
i love that my mom can say goodbye for an hour and a half before actually hanging up the phone
i love that my mom thinks she needs to call me back if she doesn't get to say "i love you" 400 times before the converation ends.
i love that my mom taught my one year old how to play soccer
i love that my mom is my friend, my great supporter
i love how my mom listens to me and loves me no matter what.
happy birthday, gogo!

where the streets have no name

joshua tariku is serious about eradicating poverty in Africa

what else can i say?

GO COLTS!

some thoughts on TRUST

i never really thought i was a control freak...until i realized how unnerved i get when things are spinning out of control. i am reading a book that is challenging me to really think about whether or not i trust God...or wheather i simply trust my fortunate circumstances. do i really believe that in the dark times God is in control, still good, still powerful? I am rethinking how i pray too...the listmaking...i think that comes more out of my need to tell God how it needs to be, how to fix stuff and make it right...less out of my desire to hear from him...to worship him. there is a line in The Lion, Witch and the Wardrobe where Mr. Tumnus explains to Lucy that Aslan is not a tame lion. I do believe that God is loving but i am learning in my adult life that his goodness is not always going to make me happy in the here and now. His desire is that we find our rest and joy in Him...not our blessings, not our comfy couch, not even our children or spouses...simply in him, whose love is unchanging...who is on the move in this world...in the heartwrenching poverty, in the luxurious penthouses of the rich. to deny his work would be wrong. i need to pray for a heart that trusts God--that i might be a woman of courage and strength, willing to accomplish every good work that he has called me to.

a day at the fair

we had a great day at the fair a couple of weeks ago. a hot midwest day, hazy heat pounded our bodies while we filled our tummies with soda, kettle corn, hot dogs, corn on the cob and later...stomach pains. dave and toby rode lots of rides (i think the scary reality is that they might fall down!) and laughed all the way down the mouse trap ride...dave had no idea that those little cars spin around and around...really fast! it was VERY funny to watch! i dragged everyone into the horse barn and made dave walk "all the way across the street" with dragging feet and a lot of eye rolling to see the baby pigs. i still think they were worth it...so cute and made me really glad i am not a mother pig. those piglets are aggressive eaters! see, there is always something to be grateful for!

on an island in the sun, we'll be playin' and havin' fun

maine '07

crazy long car trip!
salty breeze
swimming
hiking
canoeing
campfire and smores
tents
cabin...ants, giant mosquitoes
windswept
reading (whenever you can!)
family
bar harbor for ice cream
pilgrim inn with dave
sand beach
grasshopper shop
the rock on hamilton shore that looks like a lobster boat
huge crabs, starfish, hermit crabs, seals, seagulls
stinky rock
our island adventure with the kids and the canoe
freeport with the goges
playing in the mud with toby
blueberry muffins
cocktails by the sea
joshua's new found love for soccer
a beautiful moonrise


what i really love about maine is that it never really changes. the same big rocks line the shoreline today as they did when i was a little girl. the cottages remain the same too, for better or worse, with the same smells and perhaps generations of rodents and mosquitoes too. in maine i get a brief chance to reflect on my life...how much i have grown and changed over the years...there is a time for thoughtfulness there...and no time or even opportunity for internet distractions:) i can become a child again sharing all the secrets with my little guys about where to find the biggest crabs, how to skip rocks, play uno, read through a rainy day, take long walks on the beach, find seaglass, and not slip on the seaweed. it was a great trip...i have already forgotten the car ride there and back...

giving thanks

summer smiles with my favorite boys

garden hose and plastic pool= hours of fun

thank you, God, for my beautiful family... both here and in Africa.

jumpin' in

so here we are. not even three months home. we are all stuck together like grilled cheese--ooey, gooey in love. Joshua keeps us all on our toes and delights us with his hilarious "drunk eyes" and crazy expressions. He loves to say, "Hi" to us and is constantly making us laugh out loud. He likes this funny song that toby and i sing to him and he fills in the "yeah" part with full body exhuberance everytime.

the boys are having a great summer--swimming, hiking, zoo trips, swings, pony rides and sitting in the cheap little plasic pool in the yard. we are off to maine soon and hope joshua will breathe deep the salty air and forever be hooked like the rest of us. not sure he will want to brave the water with me and toby but i will do my best to get him in the ocean. we all know, dave will not be out there swimming. he protests every year.

i can't believe how much toby has grown...traveling to Ethiopia, turning five, becoming a big brother...he is such an amazing kid. he has thoroughly enjoyed his summer at the park pool--learning how to swim by simply jumping in the water, letting himself touch the bottom with his toes and then floating back up. (there is a little bit of a lesson there...are you feelin' it?) jump in. enjoy the ride.

i love this picture of my guys. toby is pretty sick of my camera at this point in his life so he is very likely to turn his head or make a goofy face just to see me get flustered...but joshua, well, he just looks right at me with those great big eyes, so happy with his big brother at his side. how can i not take a little snap?

woohoo!

i am absolutely delighted to say that Joshua has gained 5 pounds in the last two months! His pediatrician was amazed at his progress and confident that he will catch up soon. He has even made it on the American baby charts! A happy day indeed! He is such a fighter and such a sweet guy.

everytime i think of you, i smile for awhile--dan zanes

brothers.

these guys are hilarious playmates. and when the going gets tough with feeding joshua babyfood...big brother can shovel mashed peas into little brother's mouth like a pro! When i need someone to keep the baby awake in the car...toby is there to make his brother laugh and sometimes cry:) toby comes downstairs each morning with a huge grin after seeing his long awaited brother. although it's six in the morning...it still makes my heart glad.

when we first met joshua, i was nervous and a little reserved not wanting to freak this little guy out...not toby, he was jumping around us in a circle shouting, "I love you, I love you!" over and over again. it was a beautiful reminder to us to live and love freely.

home

He is finally here. i am not even sure i believe it, even though we have been home almost two months now. What a long journey to this baby. We began in late 2004 in South Africa. After over a year of waiting and fighting current adoption policies...we felt led to pursue our son in Ethiopia. There were/are children there that are waiting...and a government that wants to place these little ones in loving families. We had to start the adoption process over, from scratch, in order to meet requirements for Ethiopia. I believe we filled out the initial application this month last year. We began again wounded and broken. We lost a dream or two in the process and felt shaky and afraid that this pursuit might lead us to more pain and frustration. But it didn't. The faithfulness of our loving Father carried us through. The months went by, slowly but somehow, through some generous act of God's grace, we held on. and somehow all this pain has only caused us to love Jesus more...to gain a slightly bigger understanding of his pursuit of us, his children, in an evil, unpredictable, deprived world.

Joshua' s Ethiopia name, Tariku, means, "God's story." When David and i heard that we couldn't believe it...our lives, our stories, His story woven together by a good and loving God. While traveling in Addis, i was often awestruck by the intense poverty we saw and yet in the midst of every rock pile and dusting roadside there always seemed to be a flower blooming, standing tall out of the rubble. The people that we met there had surely endured things we will only read about (if we are lucky) and yet their faith and love for God and the poor was the foundation of who they are.

When we came home Joshua had projectile diarrhea...i am not kidding, it shot out of his bum across the room early one morning...it was amazing. This was no isolated incident...he exploded up his back many times and even made it into his hair on several occasions. Bath time seemed to be at 3am and 7am every day for many weeks. it was a rough and stinky start to our new family. me in my glasses (not the mommy anyone wants to see!) with poop all over constantly changing my shirt and washing my hands, a crying baby unable to stay sweet smelling for more than an hour, hungry, confused, still living on Africa time...it was a hard go. but looking back, i am again reminded of God's pursuit of me...His faithful love for me even though i smell like crap in my sin, even though i am cranked and angry at my circumstances however blessed they may be...he loves me anyway. he calls me into his presence. he longs for me to find joy in him and peace with him. he runs to me, to meet me, to embrace me--despite my stinky sin.

family of four. Toby and Joshua are incredible people. i feel so blessed to be able to parent them. so thankful for God's hand in placing them in our family. they are the coolest, funniest little guys i know...full of laughter, love and sometimes poop.

the countdown begins...

In a couple of weeks, we will hop a plane back to Africa. This time to Ethiopia. We have been blessed with another son, Joshua Tariku. Tariku means "God's Story" in Amaharic. Could anything be more true? When we began this journey two and a half years ago...the story would be written by God. He knew the road to our next child would bend from Jo'burg to Addis and there we would be united with second son. Through the years Toby has been repeating a mantra that he first heard from me at the beginning of this long labor when a couple months seemed like years to a then toddler...and when my faith was low he would say it back to me, "he's coming at just the right time." So here we are, at just the right time, ready to meet our baby and bring him home. come on may 5th!