2009

Confession: I tend to spend too much time on facebook. I love catching up with old friends, seeing all their photos of kids and vacations, i love quick little notes to buddies, and status updates. Sometimes, i actually have to walk away from the computer to help someone or get something done...when i return i hit the refresh button. When i do that, a new list of status updates appears or possibly a wall post for me...my point, is that everything changes. the list of status updates changes and moves on to new things.
there were so many times last year that i wanted to hit refresh...see changes instantly...not live in the place where i was. 2008 proved to be the hardest of my adult life. spiritual questions/frustrations, kid issues, marriage stuff, death. not the year i wanted to ring in on December 31, 2007. but somehow with the turning of the calendar...i feel a bit of refreshment. i made it. our family made it. we had the help of a few close friends. and whether i realized it at the time...the presence of a faithful God.
I will readily admit that our problems are not solved. there is more work to be done. and certainly, 2009 will bring it's own unique pain and glory but i am a tiny bit stronger now, and possibly a little bit braver too, to live this life. we have new ideas and projects on the horizon. we have seen our sons progress and have renewed our marriage vows. i am hopeful and thankful that God is here in 2009. my faith may have been shaken down to it's foundation...but my foundation is on Christ and His presence in my life.

"Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat..."

I think that goose is me in this scenario.

---training for the mini starts in January.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving in AL this year. We thouroughly enjoyed playing on the beach with the boys and visiting with Papa and Bama. It's amazing to me how quickly my boys are growing up!

After we stuffed our bellies with food we walked down to the water. I knew better than to try to tell my two water babies that we couldn't swim because we didn't have swim suits...that would have been a battle i would have certainly lost. So I didn't set any rules and just photographed the fun. Joshua was the first to fall in the water and get completly drenched and Toby quickly followed with a "sympathy" fall. "I didn't want Joshua to feel badly that he fell," Toby explained.

It was a great get away with my boys. I always enjoy thanksgiving and the time set aside to be THANKFUL.

Ozeal

I remember being in my bed one morning and a familiar scent filled my room. It was the sweet scent of cigarette smoke flowing through the house. I knew right away that my grandparents had arrived and that my mom in the tenderness of her heart didn't have the courage to tell them not to smoke in the house. But to me, the sweet aroma of camel lights meant so many wonderful things. The scent meant bolney sandwiches on Wonder bread, hostess cupcakes, Coke and any other treat my heart desired. It meant baseball games in the yard and scratchy "sugar" kisses from my grandfather. It meant dreams fulfilled that only a grandparent could dream up...homemade dollhouses and horse barns, bicycles and a puppy. The cigarette smoke would linger on our clothes and in our hair long after they left. And I loved it.


Just a few weeks ago my grandmother died. A piece of my identity is gone...I am no longer a granddaughter. I thought that her death would bring closure to a long year of mental health battles but instead it has left a hole in our family. My grandmother wasn't the typical cookie baking granny with stories of love and encouragement. She used to pinch my butt and tell me i was fat, and in the last several years has complained that i looked awful and was too thin. When i was eight and learned that smoking causes cancer, I tried to encourage her to stop. I asked her why she smoked and she replied, "Because it's cool." She was never afraid to say what she was thinking. She wasn't afriad to talk politics, basketball, and defend Bobby Knight. She often tried to give back your gifts and complained at your efforts to make things special but I always knew that she loved me and was proud of me. She was a character. At the funeral they called her spunky...it is true. She wasn't storybook typical but she was herself. I laughed during the calling hours at friends and sisters anecdotes of my grandmother. Apparently, her childlike rebellion continued all her life. I learned a lot from her. She had challenges that she rose to with strength and confidence i can only hope for. And when her beliefs were challenged, she chose to love and accept with abandon. I never doubted that she loved me...she loved me, my kids and always recieved us with a smile and the screen door pushed wide open.

Happy Thanksgiving!

the vampire and his "bat servant"

the best fall day:)

On Sunday we took the boys to Ft Harrison for a pony ride and Toby's first trail ride. I don't think either of my boys were as excited and giddy as i was. i think for my mid life crisis i will buy a horse...is it ok if you plan for those moments of crazy?